being present...

in the past few months, it seems there have been more than the usual amount of health-issue stories touching people i know...people who discover they have advanced cancer, someone's parent has early-stage Alzheimer's...one who has struggled for many years with addiction and sadness let's go and goes onto what's next...people in their fifties having complications from medical procedures or low-quality medical care and pass...sadness can overtake one's psychological make-up if one dwells on the trauma...drama...challenge.

in the midst of all this, where does one find some solace, peace, respite of one's spirit?  when even people who lean into skepticism reflect about end of the world activities, i pause and reflect and weigh in...i want to live a life of presence no matter what's happening...and yes, i have been deeply touched by most, if not all, of the examples listed above.  will, however, any of those tragedies be less difficult if i allow my life to become unhinged?  if i quit trying to live my life to my best abilities--will that make the hurt less? doesn't living fully mean feeling the sadness, embracing the loss while living in the midst?

in some communities, such as in Sendai, where a huge and devastating tsunami occurred just over a year ago, friends living there reflected with me and told me that one of the best ways, as a culture, they honor those lost in tragic events like this is to pick up, keep living, build again, continue on...for them, this honors, in the best way with respect & dignity, the loss & the life.  how do we, as people in this country, honor the tragedies but not live for the drama?  how have we contributed, as a society, to a less positive and more challenge-driven people?  do we, in any way,  see life as so black and white that either we become mired in the tragedy and cannot move forward or we seek the drama and challenge and 'live for the next one'?  what does that say about us?   what does that say about you...me...each of us--as ultimately, it is each of us individually who have to choose how we live and respond to life?

if i choose to live in the present, in the midst of difficulty & trouble and yet find calm in my heart, what does that say about me?  can i be the best, compassionate person i know to be and yet do that?  being present in the midst is what i am called to do...with integrity, intention and peace, i am called to be the best person i can be...embrace the moments of joy, challenge, life and be present in the midst of each moment~

so, yes...life moves on~

it's been awhile and life has moved on...school's begun for some in my family...autumn leaves are falling...the art studio evolves into a new look, refreshed but still embracing the old charm of the 100+ years it's been here.  i am fortunate to be a part of helping to create this space and am ever grateful for the people who have helped bring it this far...of late, the doors, block windows and new finish to the sheet-rocked walls add a really wonderful touch along with the trim around all the doors & windows--lovely with their hemlock frames!  soon, i'll be able to move my art supplies, easel, tables & shelves into the space and set up...to create & see what evolves!  i can hardly wait-- this has been awhile coming and it's shaped up so wonderfully with just a few final things yet to do...

otherwise,  leaves are being raked & music is playing--and changing with the seasons.  at this house, often, holiday music begins before the neighbors might...but i've always thought that if i don't begin early, time moves so quickly, i'll miss the whole experience and i love the process!  college apps are being filled out with an 18th birthday soon here--amazing that the years have flown from a scary start...to now!  what a delight to be a part of all the adventures of life--who knows what's next?  i've had the opportunity to go away--to visit family in california, helping move from one house to another and watch the home unfold in the new locale...go off in other directions to visit, help & spend time with family and friends who live afar...i am honored to be included~ 

for this season which is upon us, i give thanks...while i love the season of thanksgiving and all it includes, i think, often, of how grateful i am each day--for the little moments, the big surprises, the challenges & the joys...for all of this & more, i am grateful~

...'being' is enough

somedays, 'being' is all there is...and yet, believe it or not, 'being' is an active participation of life. for me, 'being,' is about participating--a presence and active & integral reality of active living...not just floating through life in a haze.  today, i've been touched by a dear friend's loss yet again...and reminded, too, of how important the active participation in life is for each of us.  what a privilege it is to be our best selves through the active 'being' with our journey.  each one of us can choose how that's going to look--no, we cannot make all things difficult flee...but really, the presence of challenge in our lives is what sometimes gives perspective and added beauty to the rest of our life.  so, back to the thought about choosing...

how we face 'what is' speaks volumes about who we are.  we can make the difficult be the focus...or it can be what gives other parts of life perspective...teaching us lessons, reminding us of something-- the potential of life...and multitudes of other things; however, as life is full of joy & challenge, we can choose how we're going to respond to all of that -- will we allow the challenge and difficulty to be the powerful directive of who we are, define us if you will or will we see all things as a part of the whole journey and thereby, simply that--a part and not what has to drive our lives.  i love that each of us have a choice about our lives--if not each and every actual happening, rather, the ultimate choice--what am I going to do about with what comes my way--how am i choosing to respond to life?  that is MY choice and 'being' is enough~

basil, tomatoes...and...anything!

the garden is beginning to be fruitful...i found 2 small lemon cucumbers yesterday, have had a handful of lovely golden cherry tomatoes and basil, cilantro & rosemary for awhile now.  i can hardly wait to have enough tomatoes to make something wonderful...do i care what?!  not at all...something lovely with balsamic vinegar, salt & pepper...some lovely cheese.  incredible fresh flavors that cannot come too soon!

so...today for me, LeaningIntoLife means being present for what is...available to smell, taste, hear, touch, sense, love~  life if full and vigorous, warm and languid--feeling pain and sadness when one loses someone close...delighted with the joy of love and connection...embracing new and upcoming adventures. today is full and i am grateful for it!  someone is off hiking and enjoying time away in the quiet of the mountains, bicycle rides are available for those who choose to ride, enjoying the blowing hair, breezes which cool on warm and even hot summer days...feeling strength as one stretches beyond the normal activity...someone trying a new recipe or art form...making plans to see missed dear ones or meeting someone new that you know can be a friend--lovely! 

really, what are you grateful for today?

each moment we're learning or teaching...

recently, i've been reminded of how we are learning and teaching always--often simultaneously...and what that says about life.  pure observation can bring one to some conclusions and simply put, that's how some of these new ideas have evolved.  recently, watching people give and give with one person taking the credit for the whole project has brought me to wonder about my role in the learning/teaching when this sort of thing happens whether or not i'm on the receiving end of that situation or simply observing it.  i tend to think all our lives are lived within the constraint of learning and  growing from what occurs; however, one of my sons mentioned recently that perhaps i am the teacher rather than supposed to learn something and this gave me pause.  although as a social worker for many years, i've frequently shared my thoughts and perspectives when counseling from a 'devil's advocate' position and certainly framed with words like, "have you considered this possibility" or "something to consider might be..." thus leaving the receiver the decision to choose which to consider and move with...it is, after all, not mine to choose when it's not my life.  hence, the teaching piece of my life has been in my counseling or as a parent...but in a bigger perspective--a life path, if you will, teaching and learning is in every moment of each of our lives. even when we don't seek to be an example or a teacher, we often are.  am i called to speak up or at least encourage the person to find voice in their paths when i've observed something unjust...am i, by silence, acquiesing and participating in some form of injustice?  when and how do i know the lessons to be learned or the teaching to be shared? maybe the lesson is this:  sometimes what's most clarifying about our character is what we don't say--sometimes it's what we do...and being open to when to do which is the challenge as well~

this brings me to the thoughts of leaning into life, embracing that role, intentionally choosing to BE present with life and all that might bring one's way.  we've had a sadness this week and truly, what's to learn in this has not crossed my mind...being mindful with the experience and honoring the loss of our sweet little friend is the focus...caring for and supporting those closest to her is the most prevelant feeling within me...am i learning or teaching in this?  probably so, but when one lives a life of honest presence, each moment brings something to learn, noted or not, and something to teach as well.  i am grateful for feeling deeply and with that, feeling deeply the loss.  without the depth of connection, i will not feel the depth of loss...and i will not have learned what was intended in that experience.  much rather to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. (Tennyson, paraphrase intended). 

monday, monday...

after a busy weekend full of gardening, being with people i love, lightening the load of 'stuff' in my world...yes, it was a busy but good weekend.  now monday--new roof time for the art studio--yeah!!  the electricity is waiting to be completed following the roof's completion and the addition of two new skylights...the loft is in the midst of completion but with debris falling all around, it, too, is on hold for the moment.  warehouse lights are on their way to their new home in an art studio...a new faucet is here with amazing instant hot on one handle and cold on the other sharing a faucet!  i didn't even know one could get an instant hot that looked like this much less combining the cold with so one doesn't get burned when washing up...i am 'seeing' how it'll be when its completed... i am so pleased with the way it's coming together and ever so grateful for the very skilled people who have helped create this--such great determination to make Louise the very best she can be (for those of you who missed the blog where 'she' got named, a couple of blogs back that happened...still am not sure why Louise but that's her name...). 

at the present time, the one thing that continues to haunt me is the wall board search...i'd been determined to not use sheetrock, but alas!  any other has its own set of cons as well...still seeking a 'green' option of sheetrock...is there any located nearer than Portland, OR -- i don't know, but perhaps i need to make a road trip to Portland...could be really fun!   ideas are welcomed~ 

small areas around my yard continue to call me as the dust settles every now and again...so, pockets of peacefulness and beauty are continuing to energize me, create a place of BEing for even brief moments...love the flowers and even the newest collection in the wall-pockets i created based on pictures of others' ways of having growth on walls...hence, this little display of succulents.
taking time to find peace within on this path of life is a gift--wishing it on to each one...

today i choose intention

i've been reminded, lately, again, of how little i control...yes, i know, that's something i run from...being controlled, but of course, being on the other end of it, sometimes works really well...like in health issues...building projects...and even on occasion, life!  of late, someone dear, one of my 3sons, has had some ongoing health concerns and wow!  what a reminder of being out of control...this mama doesn't always do well with that one when it has anything to do with her sons no matter what their age!  amazing how much that "mama tiger" wants to come out and be present and active--certainly not just standing by, mind you!  nevertheless, i consciously seek to live with intention--to live fully, actively and peacefully, all at one time--for me, that is intentional living.  being present, paying attention, listening to that internal nudge and acting on it intentionally.  that can mean loving, watching, supporting and lovingly, letting others do what they need to because it is their life and that's how i choose to love and live with intention too. 

when i was young, i often felt over-protected, sheltered & controlled, if you will, by the parental units.  now, mind you, i also know the best of intention was behind all of this; nevertheless, as i grew and became more who i was, i needed the freedom to explore, try and find my way...as such, as a parent later on, i have chosen to seek that sort of parenting with my own children and certainly, at their ages now, i so appreciate the relationship we've grown together...one of loving trust between son/mother as well as a special friendship.  i am rich with appreciation for this gift in my life and grateful for the awareness of its presence. 
                                          today...i, again, choose intention~

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
 Mahatma Gandhi
                                      (1869-1948)